Sunday, December 2, 2007


Well, I will try and fill you in on my life from the past month. November has flown by so fast. It scares me how fast life flies by the older I get. I remember when I use to make the Christmas ring chain and stare at it each day, just counting the number of rings left till Christmas day. It seemed like that chain kept growing and not shortening. Now I’m just begging for the holidays to grant me just one more day to get shopping and everything done before the big day.
Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was a great time of being thankful with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. My family and I flew out to Arizona, where we had a layover and picked up the greatest guy in my life, James, to then proceed to a little town called Canton, TX. The pressure was on for James to meet the family, and of course he passed with flying colors. I think it was hard for me in the since that my grandfather was not there to meet him. He would always joke with me about guys and meeting my boyfriend one day. But I know that he would have approved and loved James… not only because they have the same exact name (James Rogers).
It was nice to not only see my relatives and be in Texas, but to also spend an entire week with James without the phone being involved. Just sitting on the couch watching TV was such a blessing.
The night of Thanksgiving we made a huge bon fire out in my grandmother’s yard while it was sleeting. We also made our daily trips out to Wal-Mart to waste time away and of course to the Dairy Palace. It’s a tradition that we go out each night and get Blue Bell Ice Cream. It just sucked this time, since I can’t have ice cream anymore… yay for being lactose intolerant!
Saying good-bye at the airport wasn’t all that fun, but knowing that he would be back out the next weekend made it a bit easier. He is out for the weekend right now and I’m loving every minute of it.
With Thanksgiving over and December here, I’m diving straight into the holiday season. I love this time of year!!! The Christmas lights, the busy parking lots, the holiday music, decorating the tree, Christmas parties, and buying gifts for those I love. The song is so right… It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Katie and Megan

Right now I am sitting next to my two favorite freshmen in the whole world... Katie and Megan. We are watching the Hills cuz no one showed up for bible study. So, I stole the cake from my RA meeting and we are endulging in it while gulping milk... Mmmm!

After we went and took photos of us reenacting the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Hint the Picture below.

Katie and Megan are from Salem, Oregon.
They live on 1A with me, Ruth. We meet some time this month and have lived happily ever since.

Golden Spoon VS Pinkberry

You might say that I’m a little obsessed with the world of frozen yogurt.

Ok, “little” might be an understatement, but it’s just so good.

Frozen yogurt and I connected on a deep level when it saved my life… literally.
I became almost terminally ill during my sophomore year when I was unable to keep any liquids or food down for about a year and a half. I had a rare form of shingles of the stomach, but doctors didn’t discover this till I was on my deathbed. During this time I discovered golden spoon. One of the rare foods I could keep down on a good day.
So daily I made trips with my dad to get golden spoon. You would think that after having it on a daily basis for so long and that I can eat other foods that I would get tired of it, but now I just crave it even more. I would probably say that I use to get Golden Spoon at least 3-4 times a week, but now that I’m on a budget I’ve had to cut down to once a week. But really the health benefits are so good.

For the past couple of weeks my brother and I have been in a huge debate over Golden Spoon vs. Pinkberry. Really, nothing tops golden spoon. Well, Yogurtland is pretty good, but still. So after much debate I decided that I would give in and try it.

AMAZING! I got the plain flavor with strawberries, kiwi and bananas. The bitter taste of the frozen yogurt with the sweet taste of the fruit is a perfect mix.

It’s so good and therefore I must say that it tops Golden Spoon on the chart of Frozen Yogurt.

Thank God I can eat again!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Let the Year Begin!

It’s so weird standing on the opposite side of the fence this year when it comes to school. For the past four years I have been the student, looking up to the staff for guidance. Now I am the staff and these freshmen are probably looking at me the same way that I look at Leslie Whitehead my freshmen year. She was so much fun and a great leader. I looked up to her so much! This new position that I hold is exciting and scary at the same time. I know that God wouldn’t have put me in this position if I was not qualified for it, but I just need to keep reminding myself this. I just pray that I will be an example to these girls of a woman after God’s heart through living life with them.

Well, orientation has begun and all the freshmen have moved in. I am now at the point where I do not have to run around all day getting things done or events ready. Therefore I have more time to hangout with my RAs and the freshmen girls on their halls.
The Simmons Hall RAs this year are seriously the best group of girls I could have ever hoped for. Each year I think that my staff couldn’t get better and this year has topped it off. I’m also really excited to be working under Katrina. She has so much to offer when it comes to leadership skills. This year I really want to use her in developing me into a better leader.

I look forward to this next year and the relationships that will grow deeper in my staff.
The late night runs to In-N-Out and 7/11 slurpees have already begun. And of course one can’t forget American #2! I love the fact that I graduated last year and I get to start all over again and relive my freshmen year in the dorms.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Sorry for such the delay in my blog. I’ve had so much to write about yet so little time or energy to do it. So, I’m going to try and write more often . . . but don’t hold me to it.

People always ask me what I am doing now that I have graduated and I say, “I’m back living in the dorms.” Not the typical answer, I know. But I absolutely love it. This year I will be a grad assistant for Katrina in Simmons Hall. I’m really excited, even though nursing school was on my top list of things to do next. I can see now why God allowed me to get such a late acceptance into Western.
So I moved in about a month ago and still working on settling in and calling this home for the next 10 months. Once I finish up decorating and painting I will post pictures for everyone.
RA training is now in full swing. It’s nice to be in the background of training and helping out, rather than sitting through it all. We have a great staff or R.D.’s and G.A.’s this year and the Simmons Hall RAs are amazing. It’s been crazy busy, running around trying to get everything ready, but I look forward to September where consistency will kick into my schedule and I can hangout more with the girls and get to know them more. It’s going to be a great year here in Simmons!

James left about a little over a month ago for Arizona. I’m not very good at good-byes and this one was definitely harder than the norm. With his life packed in a truck, I cried as he drove off. Even worse was watching Sarah Paulus crying as he said Good-bye.
Selfishly I want him here with me, but on the other hand, I know that God is going to be using him in great ways at GCU. He has so much to offer and GCU is blessed to have him.
As a little going away present, I got him a web cam. He doesn’t know this, but I really got it for myself ☺
It’s amazing how advanced technology has come. Every time we login I stand in awe at how we can see each other through a computer screen and hear each others voices while states apart… well, one state to be exact. We have our little web cam dates every night, which is the one thing I look forward to everyday. With RA training underway, we won’t get to see each other till September, but September is right around the corner!

All in all, life is good and God continues to bless me with more than I could have asked for!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

We see in part; God sees the whole

Proverbs 16: 9
“A mans heart plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.”

It’s so true and yet time and time again I forget how great is the God that I serve. Why is it so hard for me to trust God with my future? I’m constantly trying to map out my life and have every little stone in place and yet every time God comes along and starts shifting through the stones and throwing them out one by one and replacing them. I don’t even know why I plan my future out! It always seems to change.
God has never given me the raw end of the deal. His plans are always so much better than mine, yet in the process of figuring this out, I get frustrated and loose faith.
It’s been a struggle lately in seeing why God is doing what He is doing. I question why timing between James and I are finally on the same page and then God places him in Arizona or why nursing school never worked out this coming year. I know that God is teaching me faith at this time and trusting in Him to direct my steps.
It’s easy to put this all in perspective when I sit back and remind myself that God is the creator of this universe and yet here I am, little me, questioning God. So, I will continue to strive in trusting God for the future!

Isaiah 55: 8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Saturday, July 14, 2007


Sorry I haven’t updated everyone on my trip to Africa. I find it really hard to talk about my trip at times because no matter what I say or how I word it, people will never truly grasp what I experienced or the feelings I dealt with while in Rwanda. I knew coming back home that this would happen, but for some reason it seems harder than other times. But, all in all, I think now that I have been able to process a lot of what I have been internalizing these past few weeks, I am ready to share my story with the blog world.

The country itself was absolutely beautiful. The definitely don’t call it the “country of a thousand hills” for nothing. Hills surrounded us and everything was green, which hit me how brown southern California is when flying back in.

The people were friendly and so welcoming. As we walked down the dirt road, on the first day, everyone was running out of their homes to greet us and shake our hands. I felt like a celebrity! I honestly don’t know how those people do it everyday. I have more of an appreciation for what celebrities go through everyday. I was sitting in a taxi on day and a group of business men were sitting around me and I could tell they were talking about me. Later I was talking with our translator and she was telling me that they found it such an honor to be sitting next to a white person. It’s so crazy that me, a simple person like me, is viewed so highly in Africa. Americans are so blessed and I don’t think we realize how much people envy us, all over the world, for the opportunities we possess.

Living conditions were rough for some of us. I love camping, so it was pretty easy for me to adjust to no running water, no hot showers, and little food/no food at times. For three weeks, I lived off bread rolls for breakfast, and rice/veggies for lunch and dinner. If there was one thing about this trip that I appreciated the most is that we took on every aspect of their culture. We could have easily living in a hotel down the road with hot water and great food, but we choose to live lives like Africans for three weeks.

Our time there was not wasted by any means. We were business most of the time varying from working with street kids to widows. We taught in the classrooms of a primary school and played games with them at recess. The street kids and orphans were heart breaking. We were able to tend to their spiritual and physical needs. One day we set up a medical clinic and cleaned wounds and picked fungus off the tops of heads. We spend several times with prostitutes, encouraging them to seek the love of God and not humans. These women were being taught how to make crafts and sell them so that they couldn’t sell themselves off the streets, which is so common in Africa. HIV and AID home visits were tough at times. We traveled all over Rwanda, literally, to encourage these people who have lost hope in living. One woman, Diane, had AIDS and had taken in five children, off the street, into an empty home the size of my room. One kid just got there a week before and has AIDS as well. After losing his parents at AIDS, we was rejected by his relatives and thrown on the streets to fin for himself till this woman took him in. It was heartbreaking as I sat there with tears streaming down my face as she shared her story. Lastly, the widows, my favorite! There were over 100 old women who traveled for miles to see us. You could see the hurt and pain in their eyes. I just hope that we were able to encourage them. I can’t imagine witnessing the death of my husband in the genocide and more most of them were raped right after.

Cleaning wounds for kids living on the streets

One of the prostitutes

The kids stole my heart!

It definitely has not been an easy road, adjusting to the land of opportunity. We have been so blessed to live in America where we have everything… and more. I pray that I will never take the small things for granite. I don’t know why God placed me over here and those children over there. I don’t know why God blessed me with great friends and family. I don’t know why God blessed me with a house over my head and food at every meal, but I do know that there is so much that I can be doing to help tend to the needs of those less fortunate. So, with all these things that God has blessed with me, I pray that I will turn these blessings back around and tend to the needs of those that are less fortunate. I thank God each and everyday for blessing me with all that he has, which is more then I even will need!

Friday, June 8, 2007

See ya June 29th

After months of preparation, Im taking off for Africa. Tonight I will be boarding Kenya Airways and heading to Rwanda, Africa to work with kids who have lost their parents in the fight against HIV and AIDS. Definitly not looking forward to the 24 hour plane ride but I guess that will be some good resting time before we hit the ground running for the next three weeks.

I couldn't have asked for a better team! We get along great now and we are as sarcastic as you can get. I look forward to the experiences we will be sharing together and watching them as God works through and in them. Above all else, Im stoked that I have this opportunity to travel across the world to share God's love with kids that have never experienced love period. God's love exceeds more than we can ever fathom and my prayer is that these kids will be overwhelmed with the love of the Lord that will be pouring out of us. As i sit here and look at the look I get from my parents, I can't imagine growing up without the love of my parents. I am so blessed in so many different areas! It's going to be so much fun watching these kids get the love and attention they deserve these next few weeks.

As for my friends! I will miss you all so much... especially you, James! It's been a couple weeks of hellos and good-byes for us that I'm looking forward to a few weeks together!

I hope that you all have a great month. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated. I will see you all June 29th or there after!

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

2007 Graduation Cruise

10 girls on a cruise to Mexico. Need I say more. 9 of my friends and I went on a 4 day, 3 night cruise to Ensenada Mexico this past week. for graduation. We stopped in San Diego, Catalina, and then of course Mexico. We had so much fun just relaxing and enjoying the rays out on the top of the deck of the ship by the pool and walked around the destination sites each morning.

San Diego-



My favorite part would have to be the dinners though. Each night we all got dressed up and when to dinner where our waiter, Jose would bring us more then we really wanted and at times food that we didn't want... LoL. Im hate seafood and each time he would talk me into ordering fish or shrimp which i ended up not eating... cuz I dont like seafood. Lol, why i did that, Im a pushover. What can I say? But, Im working on that.

Im glad all in all that I had this experience w/ the girls that were apart of my college life and hopefully for the future as well. It was sad to say goodbye when getting off the ship cuz the reality is that most of us will not be able to keep in contact w/ each other as much as we want. No more running over to their apartment to just say hi at midnight or going for late night donut runs.
Like my dad always says, all good things much come to an end.
Im not saying my friendships cuz I know that I will stay in contact w/ them as much as I can, but the college life with my friends is over.
Just yesterday I took a job at CBU as the resident assistant director in the dorms. So, I definitly will be experiencing the college life, just in a different way. Im sad that this next year I will not be experiencing some of the traditions I have created w/ my friends but I am excited to introduce these traditions to the new freshmen... like tortilla runs to Albertos at midnight and introducing them to Yogurtland :) LoL
Im going to miss all the girls that I lived life w/ in such close proximities this next year but I know that these girls that you see in the pictures will be close friends of mine for a long time! I look forward to starting a new chapter of life w/ each and everyone of them!

Saturday, June 2, 2007

I just got back today from an amazing week w/ 9 of my girlfriends from a cruise to Mexico. While this was a great week and tons of stories, which I will share in another blog, I must say that trips like these become so much harder to go on when there is someone of significance to leave. This meaning James Rogers, my best friend and boyfriend. He has brought a joy to me that I can’t even begin to explain. I have so much fun whenever being around him and he has been such a huge encouragement to me in so many different ways. The saying, “time flies when you are having fun” has never been so true till I met him. 10:30pm always sneaks up on us.
Well, needless to say, these past 4 days have been amazing yet so hard at the same time. I missed him like crazy! Talking on the phone is one thing, but for some odd reason there is no phone service out in the middle of the ocean :P Not being able to talk during the evenings or while in Mexico killed me. I so badly wanted him to experience the fun and excitement that I did while on the cruise. But, now I’m back and seeing him again was priceless. We have only a few more days till he leaves for a conference and will get back hours before I leave for Africa till the end of June. It’s funny how I use to love traveling and leaving to go places, but these days things are a little different now that James is in my life. He takes the joy out of leaving for my trips when he isn’t going to be there. Not that I don’t have fun, cuz I definitely had fun on the cruise and loved being w/ the girls, but I just missed him.
Reality hit hard while on the cruise that him going to Arizona is going to be so hard on me. I knew I was going to miss him, but I guess in the back of my mind I was in denial that he was leaving. I’m starting to get a small taste of what it’s going to be like when he moves to his new job in July. While I’m confident that this is where the Lord is leading us both in our relationship and jobs, its definitely going to hard saying good-bye and relying on the phone for our relationship. His face will be greatly missed!

Thursday, May 17, 2007


Im sitting here in the bookstore bored and thought that I would blog. Last night I got to spend the night at Kins house which for most people that know me, they would know that I hate spending the night at other people's home. We were exhausted and went to straight to bed once we got to her house, but laying in bed, reflecting on my friendship with her, I appreciate her in so many ways. She has become a great friend these past few years. Her life is a reflection of Christ's and challenges me spiritually in so many different levels. I enjoy the deep conversations that leaves me questioning things and making me think, which is something I have missed for so long. I've become tired of the shallow and meaningless conversations that I can never find here at CBU. Friendships even fall into this category at times. But never the less Kins always comes through to challenge me on some area of my life, whether she realizes it or not. I love our story times, soaking up the sun, beach trips, and of course our one time Yogurtland excursion... LoL.

I look forward to this next year, Lord willing we work together, of growing closer and sharing life together.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

God's Gift

I look at this past year and see it as a growing period. A growing period for the both of us. I've learned so much about myself and have learned so much about God through these hard times. It's not til we get out of the storm that we truely see God's hand over our life and so is the case here. As I still work through things, I have re-learning who I am away from the illness and have become more dependant on God and less on myself and others. I see the same in your life. You have grown and allowed God to use you in ways that amaze me. Seeing God use you this past year from afar in directing young men towards HIM is just one of the many characteristics I admire about you. It's funny how God works things out in the end. I'm filled with excitement and joy at the wonderful gift God has blessed me with. God truely desires to see His people happy. And while I struggle with the fact of just being content and joyful in our heavenly father, I see the joy that you bring out of me or should I say the joy that God has brought out of me through you.

I'm excited to see where God takes us this next year together. Although miles apart, I know that with our eyes focused on HIM, our journey together will be that much closer. So while I sit here and try not to think about the future of physical seperation, I will embrace the times we have together of laughter and our lunch walks :)

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Made it... Alive and Healthy!

I made it! I graduated through college alive and healthy. It wasn’t easy, but to say that I did it means more than anything to me. Academically I don’t see much to it, but to look through the obstacles I overcame makes me stand in awh at my heavenly father and wonder how people face their giants without HIM standing right besides them. Walking down the isle during graduation this morning I couldn’t stop thanking God for allowing me to see that moment, which a year ago I never thought I would be able to experience. I continue to pray that my life will never again be taken for granite like it once was. Now I’m on to face the world of wherever HE will take me… whether it’s here at CBU or else where and then on to nursing. Yay for more schooling! Haha. New events and rekindled relationships are unfolding in my life, which is exciting and scary at the same time. A heart that has finally been restored is hesitant to be brought back out. I guess it’s one day at a time and I know God will lead us both as we seek HIM first in all we do.

I pray the Lord will lead me into paths that will bring HIM the most glory and will further HIS kingdom.

Monday, April 23, 2007


I really wish that people would take into consideration how their actions affect other people before they do them. You would think that people would learn from history, but obviously not in this case. It really frustrates me that it has not only affected their peers, but it also affects the youth…youth that looked up to them and youth that followed them in their footsteps. This past week it just hit me hard and brought back a lot of the pain and memories of years past with older leaders. The funny thing is that I, along with so many people, warned them yet they were too arrogant to listen and actually think that it could happen to them.
Lesson Learned: Pride comes before a fall

. . . and this fall took down more than just their self.
I know that everyone is human and we all make mistakes, but not like this one. As a leader in the church we are held to higher accountability and I just wish that they would take this seriously. I’m tired of the hypocrisy that goes along with being in the background or growing up as a P.K. My heart is starting to harden towards the church. Not just my church, but all churches. I know that every church has their own issues. From past experiences I found myself shut out from people that attend my church. I’ve finally started to slowly open the doors, but I’ve closed it once more. I just pray that my heart will not become hard towards God or the church for that matter. I don’t want to put a label on everyone just because of one person’s mistake, but it just seems like an ongoing occurrence within this department of the church that I’m sick of it.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

MUSIC~ It's therapy to the Soul

Why is it that music has such a control over emotions? No matter what emotional state I’m in, music can change it in an instant. I know exactly what song I should listen to when I start to feel an emotion coming on that can either encourage that emotion or kill it. At times it’s nice and at times I play it just to ask for the pain that has been hiding and I just need a place to let it out. I love how lyrics speak to me.
I was driving to church this morning and the song “Stand” by Rascal Flatts came on and it brought back so many memories of last year.
“Cuz when push comes to shove you taste what you’re made of. You might bend till you break cuz it's all you can take. On your knees you look up decide you've had enough.”
I felt so empowered and motivated as I reflected back on last year and how I’ve learned so much from it. I really did learn what I was made of from that year. I love how music not only speaks to me but it can remind me of the past. And again, sometimes that is a good thing and then there are those songs that you will never be able to listen to again cuz someone or something ruined it.

I just found a new artist, Jason Reeves, on myspace today and he is absolutely amazing. I encourage everyone to check him out. But anyways, I’ve been listening to him all afternoon as I sat at my computer and attempted the impossible of studying. Through all the emotions that have been overwhelming me this past week it took me into such place of contentment and satisfaction. I’m not too sure why since the lyrics didn’t mean anything to those emotions I dealt with. Needless to say, music is therapy to the soul. Through times of pain, frustration, anger, joy, and loss of hope there is music out that can grab a hold of me. Thank you God for music!

Saturday, March 31, 2007

An Overwhelming Fear

I’m starting to get nervous that it’s coming back. I’ve come so far since everything took a change for the better and I fear that I’m getting ready to fall right back to where it once was. Last night at the volleyball game it hit again for the four time this week. Maybe I’m stressed and I don’t know it. I do have a lot going on right now. Cheer has been a little overwhelming with Nationals coming up and I have no idea what I’m doing when I graduate. But really, that isn’t something that should trigger this to happen. I guess my biggest fear is that I will start to loss more and at this point I don’t really have anything to lose. My first reaction is to run to those that helped me though this last year, but some of those people I can’t run to anymore which makes it even harder at times. I guess, in a since, it’s a good thing because it makes me run to God first. I know that God is good, He is the great Physician and His healing hand is over me. I just pray that my heart and my head will connect together because my fears are starting to overwhelm me.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


My last spring break consisted of a mixture between work and relaxation. RA duty started Friday and went through the weekend. Caught a couple people past hours in the apartments.
I know… CBU gone wild : )
I think my highlight was when I caught a girl past hours and the guy came to the door and started shaking uncontrollably. It was hilarious, but I think you had to be there.
Monday thru Wednesday I worked in the bookstore. ALL DAY. Who does that on spring break? I guess it was ok since I got to work with Zack and Brad. They make working pretty fun.
Wednesday I took off for San Diego where I got to hangout with a high school friend of mine. I just love hanging out with old friends that know me inside and out. Not that I don’t have any here, but it’s just different when you have shared so many memories together. She took me around San Diego and we got to see Sea Lions (one of my favorites) and of course the sunset was amazing as it fell into the water!

Thursday I drove home for gymnastics but ended up getting sick : (
Friday was fun at the beach, lying out under sun soaking up as much sun as I could. Merrille's parents have a sweet condo out in Newport so I met up with some CBU people and we chilled that night at the condo and roasted marshmellows by the electrical fire pit.

Saturday we cheer practice all day! 10am-4pm. It was much needed since we leave for nationals on Tuesday and we just finished learning the routine. I really do love Cheer, I just hate it when I go into a competition feeling unprepared and bodies flying into my face doesn't help too much either! As much as I have said I regret doing it... deep down inside I don't.

I ended Spring break by going out with Ash, Pacs, Alana, and Sarai to Saddleback Ranch Chop House in L.A. There was a mechanical bull that Ash almost rode. I tried to get her to do it... so did the guy working it :) The atmosphere kind of reminded me of a Coyote Ugly... not like I've been there but just from watching the movie.

All in all it was a pretty eventful spring break. Weird to think that it will be the last one... well with all of us together atleast

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Never Enough

It’s been one of those days where from every direction I’m hearing that I’m not good enough. I’m not a good enough youth leader. I’m not a good enough R.A. I’m not a good enough cheerleader. I’m not a good enough student. I can’t give what everyone is demanding of me right now. As far as the youth goes, I have such a strong passion for these kids, but I just don’t have the time too invest in them when I am trying to invest in my residents as an RA, my friends here at CBU, my cheer squad, and the list goes on. I look at Christ and see how he only had 12 that he invested in, but I find myself always getting suck in this place where I overstretch myself and them hear from all areas that I’m so busy and I’m never around. I guess a commitment to Sunday’s and phone calls during the week aren’t good enough for other leaders. As far as cheer goes, we leave for Nationals in a week and as a whole we are not at all prepared to go. I know it’s just cheer, but I take what I do seriously. Obviously I suck as a back spot when the flyer comes crashing down on my head every time!
Yeah, laugh all you want, but you have a girl come flying at your face and then see if you laugh!
I freakin have welts for crying out loud on my face and bruises on my arms. Why the heck did I decide to do this… once again, I try to do too many things at once. Yes, this lesson I should have been learned a long time ago! As an R.A. I just feel like time has become an issue and I’m “never around” or so I get from my residence even though I try my best of visiting once a week… but obviously my best isn’t good enough.
And last of the list, school. I worked by butt off sitting in isolated rooms studying day in and day out for my classes to get… NO WHERE! I obviously am not good enough to get into nursing and now have no future and no direction in life at the current moment. I know God is sovereign and has an amazing plan for my life; I’m just at the moment scared of the unknown. I guess it’s just hard when I am trying my best in all areas of life and it just doesn’t seem to be good enough to those around me.

Friday, March 16, 2007

I'm Back!

So, after a long and thought out process, I decided to come back to the world of blogs. Not like anyone really read mine in the first place, but it’s just nice sometimes to let my emotions out. So, for those of you that find me, I welcome you one step closer into the mind of Hooch!

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. I found out at the beginning of this week that I was rejected from the one and only grad school I applied to and later found that there was a glitch in their computer system and it completely overlooked my file. I should have been accepted but they already have the maximum amount of students for the fall.

So… thank you Western! (sarcastic)

The odd thing is that I feel at peace about not getting accepted. I just don’t know if this is God redirecting my career or just schools? When it comes down to it, I just don’t know what I want to do with my life. I really don’t know why I’m going into nursing. I guess through all the hospital visits I was inspired, but I really can’t picture myself working in a hospital. But then again, I can’t picture myself anywhere at the moment. A part of me would love to work in ResLife, but then I question myself as to why. Do I only want to do ResLife because it’s comfortable and it would keep me in a familiar environment or has God really placed these desires in my heart to guide me into my future career? The odd thing is that through all the crap I’ve gone through with ResLife, I still love it. But then again, a good friend of mine once said that I’m like an abused wife who keeps coming back from more beatings which hasn’t left my mind since. It’s just too much to think about and when I do I get overwhelmed and shut down but I have to face my future sooner than later and I better have a plan when the present runs out. If I decide to go into nursing, I have to wait a year till the next application process begins which leaves me working or doing what for a year? I could work as an ARD which makes me really excited just thinking about it, but I don’t want to stay just because it’s comfortable… I don’t want to be the bird that is too afraid to fly out of the nest (which I am).

Currently I feel like I’m in the middle of the desert and I can’t figure out which way is north and which way is south. I have no idea where to go from here since my one and only plan feel through. So, now I wait and pray for God’s guidance into the future which scares the living daylights out of me but I know HE has an amazing plan for me. . . It’s the waiting that I hate. There are so many other things that have been weighing on my heart this week, but as the title goes… you only get one step today.