It’s been one of those days where from every direction I’m hearing that I’m not good enough. I’m not a good enough youth leader. I’m not a good enough R.A. I’m not a good enough cheerleader. I’m not a good enough student. I can’t give what everyone is demanding of me right now. As far as the youth goes, I have such a strong passion for these kids, but I just don’t have the time too invest in them when I am trying to invest in my residents as an RA, my friends here at CBU, my cheer squad, and the list goes on. I look at Christ and see how he only had 12 that he invested in, but I find myself always getting suck in this place where I overstretch myself and them hear from all areas that I’m so busy and I’m never around. I guess a commitment to Sunday’s and phone calls during the week aren’t good enough for other leaders. As far as cheer goes, we leave for Nationals in a week and as a whole we are not at all prepared to go. I know it’s just cheer, but I take what I do seriously. Obviously I suck as a back spot when the flyer comes crashing down on my head every time!
Yeah, laugh all you want, but you have a girl come flying at your face and then see if you laugh!
I freakin have welts for crying out loud on my face and bruises on my arms. Why the heck did I decide to do this… once again, I try to do too many things at once. Yes, this lesson I should have been learned a long time ago! As an R.A. I just feel like time has become an issue and I’m “never around” or so I get from my residence even though I try my best of visiting once a week… but obviously my best isn’t good enough.
And last of the list, school. I worked by butt off sitting in isolated rooms studying day in and day out for my classes to get… NO WHERE! I obviously am not good enough to get into nursing and now have no future and no direction in life at the current moment. I know God is sovereign and has an amazing plan for my life; I’m just at the moment scared of the unknown. I guess it’s just hard when I am trying my best in all areas of life and it just doesn’t seem to be good enough to those around me.